Couples Therapy: Finding Love and Belonging
Moving from Disconnection to Connection
Relationships can be the ultimate source of ease—or the ultimate source of stress. When we feel disconnected from our partner, the world feels louder and more threatening.
I specialize in helping couples move beyond the cycle of blame and "who is right" into a space of relational intelligence. Drawing on the work of Terry Real (Relational Life Therapy) and Internal Family Systems (IFS/Parts Work), we work to dismantle the walls that keep you apart and build a foundation of secure, authentic connection.
The Relational Life Approach: Kind Truthfulness
Traditional couples therapy often stays on the surface of communication skills. My approach, influenced by Terry Real, is more direct and transformative. We focus on:
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Breaking the "Parent-Child" Dynamic: This is common in neurodivergent relationships, where one partner feels like a nag and the other feels parented. We work to restore equity and mutual respect.
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Moving Beyond Grandiosity and Shame: Terry Real’s work identifies that most relationship conflict stems from one person being "above" (grandiosity) or "below" (shame). We find the level ground where intimacy lives.
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Relational Recovery: Learning to repair quickly. It is not the absence of conflict that makes a relationship strong, but the quality of the repair.
Parts Work for Couples
Often, when we argue with a partner, it isn’t our adult self doing the talking—it’s a "part" of us that felt wounded or unheard long ago. Using Internal Family Systems (IFS), we look at the parts of you that show up in conflict:
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The Protectors: The parts of you that get loud, defensive, or shut down (stonewalling) to prevent you from being hurt.
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The Exiles: The vulnerable, younger parts of you that carry the weight of past trauma or rejection.
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The Self: We help you and your partner lead from your "Core Self"—the part of you that is compassionate, curious, and calm.
Navigating Neuro-Friction
In relationships where ADHD or trauma is present, common advice often falls flat. We address the neuro-biology of your conflict:
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The ADHD Effect: Understanding how executive dysfunction impacts chores, intimacy, and reliability without it becoming a character flaw.
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Trauma Triggers: Learning how to co-regulate when one partner’s nervous system goes into high alert.
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Active Empathy: Moving from "I understand your point" to "I feel what it’s like to be in your world."
What to Expect in Our Sessions
I am an active, attuned participant in your process.
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Direct Feedback: I will gently but firmly point out the misdirected strategies (like being right or needing to control) that are damaging your connection.
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Skill Building: We practice validation and speaking the truth of our vulnerability rather than our our defences, and other tools to ensure your needs are heard without triggering your partner's defenses.
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Somatic Connection: We use body-based mindfulness to help you stay regulated during difficult conversations.
Ready to reconnect?
Whether you are in a crisis or simply want to deepen your bond, I invite you to bring your truth into our space. Let’s move your relationship from friction toward the ease of true belonging.