FINDING LOVE AND BELONGING
Breakthroughs in the science around love and attachment show that healthy, mature adults have an innate need emotional responsiveness (someone who is both accessible and responsive to our distress) from important people in their lives.
In fact, emotional responsiveness from key people in one’s life is linked to survival. That fact helps explain why attachment wounds from our childhood can have such a large impact on our relationships and why couples in distressed relationships often act as if arguments were life and death struggles. In a sense the loss of emotional security and connection feels exactly like a life and death struggle.
In our individual counselling sessions for relationship matters we will explore attachment learning from our caregivers and some of the wounds and impacts this can leave. We will inquire into our needs for love and belonging and to whom and in what manner those needs are being expressed, as well as how might you be meeting or missing opportunities to provide emotional connection for others in your life. Using the proven science of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) we will work together to help you develop satisfying connections with the people you care about.
At the same time, we will explore your relationship to yourself. The majority of us hold beliefs and insecurities about ourselves that get in the way of developing loving relationships with others. Those beliefs and insecurities have often never been expressed and put to the test. Beyond whether the beliefs are true or not, it will also be important to explore who you are in relation to your beliefs. Knowing yourself at this level provides the power to move out of learned and automatic (unconscious) thought patterns.
It takes courage to look inward at ourselves. It is likely we will discover some painful feelings and emotions there that make us feel vulnerable. It's beneficial to do this initially in a safe, non-judgmental relationship where you can experience these feelings with acceptance. Moving into vulnerability you also learn to move beyond it - to new dimensions of depth in yourself and a natural capacity to love and connect with others.